we have pet lesbian snakes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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