please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize