The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
