please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
