I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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