So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
