I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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