just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The Olympian is in my bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
