she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
