...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
