My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
