two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
