so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
