Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
