She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
