you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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