So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
