The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
