Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
