I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i've created a new STD.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
