I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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