carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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