How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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