I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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