it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
