When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
