Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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