what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
