He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
