Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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