If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
