i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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