I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
