he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's never too late to be topless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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