dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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