What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
