Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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