how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
