I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
