cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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