well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
