the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
