Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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