My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize