You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
