Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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