Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
