If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
someone owes me an orgasm
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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