community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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