He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
