my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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