I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
