I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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