How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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