Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
