Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
