You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
