I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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