i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
