CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
