Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
