it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
